This House Was Always Here

I cannot paint you of of this house I built for our love
No matter how hard I may try

Instead I find a window and force my shadow to climb through it
Yet still I feel parts of me die

The lines are grey and the walls are bleeding all around me
My heart scales open and sleeps in the basement with the waves

While the smoldered shackles of our love hang in caves

And my eyes close again
If only I could sleep 

I catch myself in the middle of tears who were born long before me
Tiny rivers that meet to form this raging sea that destroys me

Your body moves through mine

Cycling through the moments when our love was alive
Like velvet with a heartbeat and a home

When you loved me I’m certain

When you felt the need to hold onto me
In the middle of this grey sea

How would you like me to change

If the patterns on my hips disappear
Will you still recognize my face

Now I don’t believe it

To think back on our time
To somehow think it was a ghost
A shadow
A spot on your eyelids that formed and faded while you slept

I do not know what that was --

I wake up
But was I sleeping?

Why does love ending always darken
And paint me out to be forgotten

Like a thick needle inserting my heart with cold steel
I am forced to dream away the moments that were good and real

I wonder what kind of dream this was

And still I sit in this house I built for our love

It was always here