Scars & Hats - Spring 2008

drawing by Jessica Fleischer

I showed you my scar
You left through the door
I’m missing a million parts
but you’re missing more

You came to me in time
Kissed my heart let it shine
With the spell of my mind
the darkness of time
I’ll leave you at night
you’ll fade from this sky

It’s not that I love you
It’s the hope you offered me
It’s not that you loved me
Just the chance to set me free
I’m doing things different
Gonna take my own body
To the place where I left it
And live beneath the sea

I captured your eyes
And bled through your lies
I knew the patterns of her thighs
Before you ever made me cry
It just had to be that way
You would leave and make me stay
Left with the cold and the bitter taste
Her bitter womb won’t ever change

It’s not that I loved you
It’s the hope you offered me
It’s not that you loved me
Just the chance to set me free
If I could I'd still meet you in the middle of the night
Just to taste the gasoline as it makes your cold heart bright
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The sadness builds and mounts coming in and out like thick waves of chrome, sitting on my heart, reminding me of what I could have if only I were someone else. The boy in the hat is a reminder of all the hope I could have had, all the dreams I wish would sail but seem to forever linger in a large black closet. The musician who left me for his girlfriend I’m told is a bullet I dodged, not a missed opportunity for happiness. If my own happiness is just me then I suppose all these external stimulants are extraneous anyway. We come in alone we leave alone and the in between, however long it is, is what we do with it, how we make it ours... Time and history have told me I can see a soul through a face, trace the lines of love in his eyes. But sometimes it turns out that I’m wrong. I don’t want to sour and stray away from the light. I'd like to keep believing knowing things change in an instant, trust in the infinite light of the universe... and I do it’s just that today I am sad.