drawing by Jessica Fleischer
I showed you my scar
You left through the door
I’m missing a million parts
but you’re missing more
You came to me in time
Kissed my heart let it shine
With the spell of my mind
the darkness of time
I’ll leave you at night
you’ll fade from this sky
It’s not that I love you
It’s the hope you offered me
It’s not that you loved me
Just the chance to set me free
I’m doing things different
Gonna take my own body
To the place where I left it
And live beneath the sea
I captured your eyes
And bled through your lies
I knew the patterns of her thighs
Before you ever made me cry
It just had to be that way
You would leave and make me stay
Left with the cold and the bitter taste
Her bitter womb won’t ever change
It’s not that I loved you
It’s the hope you offered me
It’s not that you loved me
Just the chance to set me free
If I could I'd still meet you in the middle of the night
Just to taste the gasoline as it makes your cold heart bright
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The sadness builds and mounts
coming in and out like thick waves of chrome,
sitting on my heart,
reminding me of what I could have
if only I were someone else.
The boy in the hat is a reminder of all the hope I could have had,
all the dreams I wish would sail but seem to forever linger in a large black closet.
The musician who left me for his girlfriend I’m told is a bullet I dodged,
not a missed opportunity for happiness.
If my own happiness is just me then I suppose all these external stimulants are extraneous anyway.
We come in alone we leave alone and the in between, however long it is, is what we do with it, how we make it ours...
Time and history have told me I can see a soul through a face, trace the lines of love in his eyes.
But sometimes it turns out that I’m wrong.
I don’t want to sour and stray away from the light.
I'd like to keep believing knowing things change in an instant,
trust in the infinite light of the universe...
and
I do it’s just that today I am sad.
Scars & Hats - Spring 2008
Summer 2008
The walls in my memory are leaking
Kisses older than a century are finding their way back to my eyes
And the quarter moon is falling off the sky
Gliding on the tracks of an old ship
We move without thinking
Waiting to transpire
Misting through time
It's enough just to swallow
And your eyes...
Though I may never look into them again
Are forever burned into the pathways of my grandmother’s memory
My heart chimes for steel
Wooden panels house the umbrellas of love I could feel for you
But choose not to
Because it’s better to love myself
Better to wait for someone else
Who can hold my hand under all the colors of a cloud
And not look to the ocean for love
Kisses older than a century are finding their way back to my eyes
And the quarter moon is falling off the sky
Gliding on the tracks of an old ship
We move without thinking
Waiting to transpire
Misting through time
It's enough just to swallow
And your eyes...
Though I may never look into them again
Are forever burned into the pathways of my grandmother’s memory
My heart chimes for steel
Wooden panels house the umbrellas of love I could feel for you
But choose not to
Because it’s better to love myself
Better to wait for someone else
Who can hold my hand under all the colors of a cloud
And not look to the ocean for love
The telescope waits in my heart
for something to start
Black marbles mutate
and the sea tries to part
I can’t remember everything about our night
Your stomach bent to kiss my soul
Your hands and fingers linger
in the spaces where palm and honey are useless
Maybe it’s just the month,
the moon
the time that’s passed since last I was loved
Your eyes are blue like an unknown shadow
The quality of your skin
The brown in your hair
Your voice
Everything about it fades from my mind
but not my heart
And who you are to me…
A passing fancy while my soul retreats
A tidal wave planted in the soil sprouting upwards towards the sea
Find the grey in my eyes while the ships move backwards
Find me at the top of the bottom
where the waves are yellow and the light is cracked
Tiny flowers sprout where once I was halved
In the waiting rooms where faces hold tight
Your love finds it useless to pace or hold steady
On the ferris wheels
where the young girls squeal
cutting lines though the moon
They will shadow the doom
As the room starts to spread
Move away like a candle
In the dark you can see
it’s only love you can handle
Black marbles mutate
and the sea tries to part
I can’t remember everything about our night
Your stomach bent to kiss my soul
Your hands and fingers linger
in the spaces where palm and honey are useless
Maybe it’s just the month,
the moon
the time that’s passed since last I was loved
Your eyes are blue like an unknown shadow
The quality of your skin
The brown in your hair
Your voice
Everything about it fades from my mind
but not my heart
And who you are to me…
A passing fancy while my soul retreats
A tidal wave planted in the soil sprouting upwards towards the sea
Find the grey in my eyes while the ships move backwards
Find me at the top of the bottom
where the waves are yellow and the light is cracked
Tiny flowers sprout where once I was halved
In the waiting rooms where faces hold tight
Your love finds it useless to pace or hold steady
On the ferris wheels
where the young girls squeal
cutting lines though the moon
They will shadow the doom
As the room starts to spread
Move away like a candle
In the dark you can see
it’s only love you can handle
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